there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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