You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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