ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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