I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
