i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
