First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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