Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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