I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
