There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize