ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
