If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
