Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
