Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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