He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
the raccoons are back...
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