what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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