I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize