Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
