so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize