hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
