Your face is a jimmy john
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize