I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
