even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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