I accidentally burped into my bong.
you win again, gameday.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
