btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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