After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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