girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i think i just lost a toe
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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