what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
