Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize