I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
