If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
