I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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