Only a mothe r could love this liver
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize