i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
