Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
