I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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