You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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