Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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