i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
