I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize