If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
