i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
