and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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