Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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