theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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