I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
