is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
