ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
