It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
