Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
