Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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