Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
