he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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