my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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