I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just had sex on a roof
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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