nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
