Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
