I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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