Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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