If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
