No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
