shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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