you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
