dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
