as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This is classic penis vs brain.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
