Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize