It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize