my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
