His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
